Decoding A Child's Needs
Approaches to responding rather than reacting to your child's unwanted behaviors
Positive Parenting Conference by: A Fine Parent
When children push your buttons something is lurking under the surface. They are saying:
"I need to feel connected".
"I need something from you".
"Today has been a bit much".
When children are hurt they communicate through their behaviour.
When a plant isn’t doing well, you don’t say “What is wrong with you?”. You start questioning whether it is getting enough sun, whether it is getting enough nutrients, you look at the environment, and try to figure out what the plant needs that is missing. Your child is that plant.
Respond to their behaviour opposed to react to their behavior. When our buttons are being pushed we become reactive, therefore need to be really conscious of our own behaviour and how to better respond to our children, and make an effort to really connect with your child.
A child is neediest 3 times in the day. 1) In the morning, 2) when they come home from school and 3) before they go to bed. Reason: they know they are about to be separated. Therefore connecting with your child is imperative. Their love tank needs to be full, so they will try to get our attention and search for connection. Find ways to connect with your child, one-on-one time.
The only time a child will hurt someone else is when they are hurting.
Respect your child as you would a person you didn’t know: a friend, a family member. Is what you say to them something you would say to these people?
Ways you are not being respectful to your child:
Forcing them to share
Prompting them to say thank you or please
Insisting that they hug or kiss someone that they don’t want to kiss
Speaking for you child
Speaking about your child in front of them
Connection isn’t always the way we interpret it to be, Sometimes your child just needs you to leave them alone, and that is also connecting - you are meeting their needs.
RECHARGE YOUR CHILDREN! Children are like rechargeable batteries and the parents are the chargers.. they can only be away from their parents for so long before they need a recharge.
Always remember: You are doing the best you can with what you know at the time with the resources and information that you have.