Managing Our Emotions
Positive Parenting Conference by: A Fine Parent
“Our kids are on their own journey. All we get to do is hold the space for them so that they can grow into functioning and flourishing adults.”
We can’t control our children. We don’t want to control them. The truth is you can’t control another human being - you’d be breaking their spirit. What we want to do is influence our children.
We can look back at the conditioning and modeling in our own lives.
When we parent, it brings up fears and our own "stuff" from our childhood.
Were you heard and seen as a child?
Why is this so hard for you?
This can usually be traced back to a time we didn’t feel safe as a child.
The more we can practise showing up, our experiences and what we are modeling, then we are doing everything we can with what we know at the time to be functioning and contributing members of society.
The 3 Bs
Breath - bringing attention to your breath and what it feels like to breathe - allowing yourself to bring in nourishing inhales and full, expansive exhales brings in a blanket of peace and settlement. How ever many breaths work for you.
Body - Head to toe body scan / where am I tense / feeling unsettled in my body. The goal is to notice and release some of that tension.
Balcony - Lifting up and out of your experience and imagining that you can see yourself and your child, the room that you are in etc. from a broader perspective to understand whether this is really about you.
What is underlying with my child? Hunger, tiredness?
When we see things through a different lens we may be able to see what is really going on.
Ask questions that are opening the conversation and not closing the conversation. Get curious and not defensive about your child or someone else’s behaviour.
Perspective taking -
A you might not even recognize if you don’t pull yourself out. Might not have released
So what of she’s anxious she still can’t treat me that way.
It’s about us not about our children. Who do we want to be for our kids?
Loving - nonjudgmental - curious - open - available?
Hardest time to be those things is in the challenging times. That’s when you get to be tested to be all these things.