Techniques for breaking through resistance with younger children using connection

Parenting 2-7 Year Olds

Experts: Joanna Faber and Julie King

Positive Parenting Conference by: A Fine Parent

TAKEAWAY 1:

Kids need their disappointments to be heard, before moving onto happier feelings. We want to protect our kids from unhappy feelings and discourage them, and push aside trivial moments. We want to protect ourselves, too, from whining, nagging, unhappy kids who throw tantrums. 

TAKEAWAY 2:

Parents often think that all these methods, techniques and strategies take up a lot of time and effort, yet one doesn’t always realize that it is 5 minutes of initial effort with your child opposed to a 30-60 minutes of a tantrum there after.

TAKEAWAY 3:

The great thing about “not doing it right” is that your kids will give you multiple chances to practice until you do!

TAKEAWAY 4:

You need to recognize the lessons you can teach your child. One such lesson, especially with regards to emotions, is how to handle disappointment.

TAKEAWAY 5:

The power of SILENT attention - when kids just need to get something off their chests with out being corrected, lectured or given advice.

TAKEAWAY 6:

Threats become challenges because your child doesn’t hear the full sentence, they hear the beginning part and miss the part where you mentioned the “consequence”.

TAKEAWAY 7:

When you say “don’t do that” you create resistance and you work against yourself. You need to change your perspective because they are visualizing what you are saying when you say “don’t”.

TAKEAWAY 8:

Two very effective tools are to be playful with your child, and to give them choices. Do you like being told what to do? No? Neither does your child.

TAKEAWAY 9:

Put your child in charge when they are being defiant. What are they being defiant about? Example: If they refuse to put a jersey on during bad weather, a method to overcome this would be that they need to check the  thermometer and tell YOU what to wear.

TAKEAWAY 10:

Something I learnt from the conference: My son loves to throw things, especially down the stairs. Instead of saying "Don’t throw that" to your child, GIVE them something they CAN throw, such as a balloon or a ball.

TAKEAWAY 11:

We need to remember we aren’t perfect, we are human, but the important thing is that we keep trying.

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Joanna Faber and Julie King's

PODCAST

THE PODCAST PROVIDES:

  • How Adele Faber’s words about how to figure out what to do governed Joanna and Julie’s parenting behavior

  • How NOT to deal with your child’s negative feelings

  • What to do when your child is having difficult feelings (scenarios provided)

  • What to do to help encourage cooperation

  • Tools to teach kids to help them resolve conflict

  • How praise can backfire

  • How to use productive praise

  • How to connect with neurodiverse kids

  • How to turn negative speech into positive speech when giving feedback and directions to kids.

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